Surprised to find out that I was sad to say goodbye to the smell of Toby's breastmilk poop. We started rice cereal yesterday, and now as of the wee hours of this morning, his poop will be forever changed. I already feel so much nostalgia for little things in his brief 6 months of life. The way he used to grunt, gurgle, and squeak. We used to call him "squeaker." The way he used to arch his back and stick his tushy out with his legs curled in the fetal position when we'd pick him up after a nap. The way he used to fit into a ball on my tummy or how I could hold him cradled in one arm. The way he used to fit into those little tiny newborn clothes, the clothes that are now packed away or have been passed along to a friend. Cherishing every single moment carries with it an inevitable sadness that this very moment is passing by and, op! Now it's gone. It's exhausting kind of. Well for now, I'll be glad of what I don't have to reminisce over but can presently enjoy, even if not without pangs of sadness as they fleet away: the sound of his breath as he's sleeping on my chest, and the smell and feel of his velvet-smooth hair and skin, and how he can still fit entirely on my lap. These are precious things I will miss one day much too soon as they go the way of the undefiled breastmilk poop and change or disappear for good.
-Sarah
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